


gold and silver shine (shiny happy people holding hands)

by poketa



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU everyone is human and feel a lot, F/F, I believe this is angst/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 02:19:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16904229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poketa/pseuds/poketa
Summary: The first thing that Laura sees at the top of the box is a blurry picture and she isn’t sure if the girl in the picture is Carmilla or not, until she sees the teddy bear at her side.





	gold and silver shine (shiny happy people holding hands)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a long time ago, today i just the half that was left and made myself cry and wonder about those two again.  
> hopefully one day, ill be capable of writing something else.  
> no one supervised my writing, boo.

Everything begins when Laura’s searching for her favorite  yellow marker.

Because, for some reason, Carmilla finds amusing the activity of taking all of Laura’s favorite stuff, using it and then hiding it, in weird places. 

It annoys Laura to no end that every morning she has to play “Find the Thing before Class Starts” meanwhile, the perpetrator, it’s laying on her own bed, in the other side of the room, snickering while reading some pretentious book of her or outside doing- Laura, realizes that she isn’t really sure what her roommate does apart from being lazy, rude and careless.

And really? Snooping around other people's stuff has never really been something that Laura has seen as appropriate but her roommate is anything but that.

So, when her hand touches the lid of something under Carmilla’s bed while she's searching for her favorite yellow marker and she extracts a black metallic box from under the bed, Laura blames her roommate and her stupid hobby before opening the box.

The first thing that Laura sees at the top of the box is a blurry picture and she isn’t sure if the girl in the picture is Carmilla or not, until she sees the teddy bear at her side, the same one that she found the other day while looking for her headphones in Carmilla’s bed. 

(“ _ Stuffed animals are for children that can’t handle the real world, cupcake _ ” Her infuriating roommate said one morning when she entered the room and saw Laura cuddling Mr. Chips and how ironic was to find that same week the stuffed bear, that Carmilla keeps inside a pillowcase, in her bed)

Her hair is long in the picture, her white dress looks like something out of a high fashion magazine but for kids but what gets Laura’s attention is the smile that the girl is offering because it’s effortless, it seems so pure and genuine and she wonders  _ what happened to the girl in the picture? What happened in the last couple years to change her to be the aggressive, careless and sarcastic girl that her roommate is today? _

The honey haired girl closes the box after a few more seconds because seeing that younger version of Carmilla smiling gives her a weird satisfaction but she is pretty sure that her roommate would kill her straight away if she saw her snooping around in her stuff like this, or maybe fed her to the wolves that live near the campus, which actually sounds better than writing the essay that she was meaning to write before all of this happened.

Suddenly, the sounds of footsteps nearing the room makes her move faster and leave the box in the same place that she found it before.

And just as Carmilla opens the door, she rolls her chair back to the desk.

“Good evening, Carmilla” Laura chirps without moving her eyes from the screen and typing into google whatever thing that comes to her mind,  _ cute puppies _ being the thing, to make her seem less guilty “How was class?”

Throwing her bag in the direction of the bed, Carmilla stops a second to examine her with squinted eyes before giving up and sitting in her bed.

Laura tries to appear like she is actually working on her essay, opening the file she was working on.

“Hell-ish” replies her roommate before face planting on her own bed.

Laura sighs, inevitably thinking about the little girl in the picture for a second,  _ maybe she just needs someone who will listen to her?.  _

Making the decision of trying to be that person, the blonde moves the chair to be beside Carmilla’s bed and starts to talk instantly before her resolve goes out of the window “Do you maybe want to talk about it? Some people would say I’m a really good listener and adviser” after a beat she concedes “More listener than adviser though”

The dark haired girl lifts her head and blinks at her for a few seconds with a doubtful expression and then says “Why would I?” she sits in the bed and rests her head in the wall. “We never talk. You barely tolerate my presence”

Feeling more insecure about her idea of talking, Laura shrugs nervously “Never is too late for a first time” and as Carmilla smirks, she feels less and less confident about her decision of being nice to the one and only asshole that is her roommate “Talking about our feelings can help us tons or so i've read s-somewhere”

Without a second to spare, Carmilla replies “Nice try, buttercup, but a heart-to-heart isn’t what could help my mood right now” and with a mocking smile, she face plants on her bed again, leaving an exasperated Laura beside her bed.

Making an effort with her roommate is more painful that anyone could guess.

 

* * *

The second time it happens, it’s still Carmilla’s fault.

Her favorite socks are missing and she has an important test and even if it sounds stupid to everyone else, those socks really  _ are _ her lucky charm.

When Laura is almost giving up in the search, she sees that box again and she goes for it instantly. Maybe seeing a picture of smiling Carmilla would make her feel better and not so nervous about the upcoming test.

Opening the lid exactly like the first time, Laura takes the first picture and smiles. Carmilla in a dress AND smiling is always a sight to smile at because  _ it's so damn bizarre. _

_ Carmilla Karnstein smiling? She should consider selling this kind of information. _

Laura leaves the picture at her side and goes for the next one.

It’s a picture of Carmilla and a man with dark hair, she can’t be older than 9 and she is laughing, meanwhile the man is doing a silly face to the camera.

_ Oh _ , Laura thinks.  _ That must be her Dad _ .

Carmilla has never talked about her dad. 

(Not that she has really talked about anyone else in her family but after the Dean of Silas entered the room one evening, for a serious talk with her so apparent “hoodlum of a daughter” Laura didn't have to really guess what relationship the two had and how troubled it was. Carmilla ended up crying, Laura gave her encouraging words and tissues, both shared a good moment, next day everything was back to normal when Carmilla decided to clean her muddy boots with Laura's sweater)

Laura cringes before she goes for the next piece in the box and it’s a ripped piece of a newspaper what her hands take and she instantly freezes when she recognizes the obituary section.

Because she also has one in her diary.

“ _ Hey _ , Hollis, I was passing by-“

When the voice of Lafontaine, coming from the hall reaches her ears, she quickly puts the pictures and the piece of newspaper back inside the box before closing it again and trying to look like a normal person searching for socks.

“- and I was wondering, how are you?”  They say opening the door and grinning at her.

Once they are inside the room, their gaze instantly go to Laura, who is moving the box just under the bed. 

“Alright. Fine. More than well enough, of course” Laura rushes, taking a pair of Carmilla's black socks and putting on them quickly. 

_ Fair enough.  _ Laura thinks glancing at them with a dubious look.

She puts on her sneakers and stands up, almost falling on her face “Sorry, Laf but I got a test, gotta rush, nice seeing you!” The blonde explains quickly, taking her bag and running out of the room towards the humanities building, the whole way there trying to shake off the feeling, the growing feeling, that Carmilla shares with her the losing of a parent at the young age of 9.

_ It _ ' _ s empathy with something else and it's unnerving _ , Laura realizes rounding a corner of the building, finally shutting her mind down and entering the classroom.

 

* * *

 

She aces the test. 

Laura is sure that she passed it awesomely and it doesn't have anything to do with the socks.

_ Maybe it's purely psychological? _

She opens the door to the room to see her roommate lounging in her own bed with a book on her hands and Laura rolls her eyes lightly at the predictability of it all. 

“Good day?” 

The blonde stops. Now, that's  _ a first _ .

“Yeah, kind of” Laura replies cautiously, walking to her bed and eyeing the girl, who is wearing her usual attire of all black, before turning around and taking out stuff out her backpack “Why do you ask? Are you planning something in here? Do you want me to go?” 

There's a sound of the other bed mattress creaking and Laura just knows that Carmilla is trying her best to look disinterested.

“Chill, just curious” Carmilla replies and shrugs noncommittally. “Isn't that what friends do? Ask how you doin and about all that super common shit?” the sound of a page being changed marks the sentence.

Laura frowns confusedly and turns around.

“Friends? - _ you and me? _ friends?”

A sigh leaves Carmilla's lips and she finally looks at Laura, her expression one of pure exasperation “If you gotta be difficult about it then i'm out” 

The blonde gapes.

_ Is Carmilla really offering a friendship?  _

“I- I-no, it's alright, sorry” Laura moves her hair behind her ear and chuckles. “This is just-” she moves her hands as if trying to make sense out of it.

“Surprising?” Carmilla offers, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. 

_ More than anything else I could've expected. _

“Yeah” Laura confirms with a half smile “It's nice, though”

Carmilla shrugs again and takes her book back again on her hands

“I can do nice” there's a sneer in her face but Laura knows is part of the show. 

And then Laura remembers something. 

“Hey” she says casually, smiling slightly “Have you seen my rainbow colored socks, the lucky ones?” 

Her roommate doesn't even glance at her, before moving her feet out of bed and raising it in the air. 

_ And, of course, she's wearing them. _

“Couldn't find mine this morning” Carmilla says with malice and turns to look at her, she's smirking slightly like she knows something. 

_ And maybe? she does _ , Laura thinks,  _ but not in the way she thinks she does. _

Laura sits in the bed and laughs “It's okay” she drops both sneakers to the ground, discovering her feet covered in the black socks and looks up at Carmilla, who is frowning at her feet “I found these to wear” 

Carmilla looks up and she seems surprised for whole two seconds before dropping the face and going neutral again “The student has become the master” her roommate rasps, shaking her head and resuming her lecture. 

And Laura grins with victory.

“Don't look so smug, it will get stuck to your face” the reply comes behind the book and it's weird, the box exists under the bed and the socks exist to cover their feet but somewhere underneath all the objects in the room, they are just two girls who don't really know each other but eventually could.

 

* * *

The third time it happens, Laura stops pretending that it is an accident.

With nowhere else to go, she sits in Carmilla's bed, opens the box and sees more pictures. She finds the ones with Carmilla's dad the most beautiful ones, in those, her smile is almost ever present and when it's not, Laura can see it in her eyes, in her expression, she can see the happiness radiating from her.

And Laura can't help but let herself cry when she sees one of the two of them hugging by a river and realizes is the same river she visited as a child. She recognizes the tree behind them and a little yellow swing with one broken seat.

Although the sob comes silent, her hand goes to her mouth as she holds the photo with a shaky hand. Laura turns the photo around to see what it has written in the back and the name of the place lets the pouring tears descend with permission.

It's too much for her and she decides to close the box and make some tea.

Carmilla enters the room a few hours later but Laura's eyes are already dry, her hand no longer shakes and the image of a yellow swing is no longer in the front of her mind.

“How was your day?” Laura asks, going through her mail, searching a particularly evasive message from one of her professors.

“It was okay” the reply comes and by the tone of her voice is the most sincere phrase Laura has ever heard from Carmilla, so she turns around to look at her.

“Okay but  _ okay _ as in…?” The blonde pushes with a shy smile, praying that the friends offer is still on the table. 

Carmilla glances at her as she opens her bag and starts to take out books with a smirk.

“It was a fine day, creampuff” her voice comes out as sarcastic but it's not mean, if anything is mocking in a friendly manner and she shakes her head as Carmilla chuckles “Surely, a fine day”

 

* * *

The fourth time it happens, Laura isn't the one opening the box.

“Have you seen my necklace?” Carmilla inquires, standing at the bottom of her bed and looking at Laura, like she's expecting for her to magically find it and the expression in her face is almost priceless.

And Laura looks up from her bowl of cereal with a frown.

“The one with the moon?”

“Yup” Carmilla replies, searching in another pair of jeans of her for the missing necklace and Laura feels helpless as she hits a blank.

“Not really” the blonde tries to think of the last time she saw it but can't and smiles ready to tease as she thinks about something “Hey, what if one of your study buddies took it as a prisoner until you call her? Sounds loable”

Carmilla stops and looks at her like she may be onto something.

“Nah, I never take it off, it's ridiculous”

And she sinks to her knees, looking under her bed and suddenly, the box appears on her hands and Laura notes her hesitant as she shakily slides the lid open and checks it.

Now, Laura is not dumb, she has been obsessing over that box, if anything now is the best time to know anything about it and she wastes absolutely no time in asking about it.

“Hey what's that? I haven't seen that box before” is not as smooth as she could've hoped for but Carmilla stops her movements and seems to deliberate quickly, before standing up, turning around and looking at Laura with the box still on her hands.

“It's just a dumb box” she explains and her voice is way too soft as she tries to shrug off Laura's interest but Laura knows better and just looks at her expectantly, until Carmilla caves and walks what's left of distance between the two beds and sits with Laura on her bed just a little too shyly “It's just some sentimental crap”

“I bet it's not crap, like you say” Laura replies just as softly, like trying to not disrupt the atmosphere, like when you are trying to pet a wild animal but know that if you make a little more of noise, they could escape. Laura leaves her almost finished bowl of cereal on her bed and gestures to the box in Carmilla's hand, asking quietly “Can I see?”

Carmilla seems hesitant for a few seconds, before she breathes out and leaves the box in Laura's lap, who cheers for her victory inside her mind and tries to not seem too eager as she slides the lid to the side. 

She knows those photo by memory now but watching them with permission holds a weight that makes Laura pause in every single detail her eye can see before seeing another picture, meanwhile Carmilla sits in silence looking at her nails. 

“Those are beautiful” she whispers, keeping the voice. Carmilla nods as she distracts herself with a cuticle and Laura doesn't bite her tongue “Who's him?” she asks pointing to one of the pictures with little Carmilla and the dark haired man smiling to the camera.

It seems like minutes before she answers but it's actually just a few seconds.

“He's my father” her voice is raspy and Laura aches for some kind of connection with her as she talks but doesn't push her luck and remains stoic in her seated position in the bed “He died when I was 9” Carmilla stop playing with her fingers but her eyes don't stray from them as she keeps on talking “Cancer of lung”

Swallowing the saliva on her mouth, Laura comments.

“That sucks” 

Carmilla looks from her fingers to Laura and it feels like Laura hit the wrong nail and wants to backtrack. 

“I mean, I- I” she stammers, trying to come up with some empathy but all she can muster, a little rushed in, is “My mom died of cancer too”

The silence of the room is deafening as both stare at each other but then someone walking outside their room drops a box in the ground and both snap from the staring.

“I have to go” Carmilla declares, standing up and looking lost for a second as she stands there but then she turns around, takes the box from Laura, closes it and slides it under the bed again. Laura watches as the girl packs her backpack before leaving the room in what could be one of the most awkward escapes she has witnessed in the year.

Maybe, friends don't share trauma concerning their parents so early in their friendship. Just maybe, Laura stepped wrongly into a dangerous zone.

 

* * *

After the event happen, their tentative friendship disappears under three layers of what is essentially, Carmilla evading her at all costs and Laura forgets all about the box as she tries to concentrate on her classes and forget about Carmilla's eyes and how young she looked at that moment.

It's just too painful to recognize a part of herself in someone else's pain.

 

* * *

The day of the anniversary is just as painful as the day she died.

Laura sends all the respective emails to her professors to excuse herself from their classes, writes a note to leave on her desk, informing anyone who cares enough where she is in case anything happens, before taking her backpack with all she needs and walking out of the room.

She walks directly to the Astronomy faculty and climbs all of the stairs until she's seated against the very last wall of the place, looking at the winter sky with a bottle of cheap wine in her hand and wishing for the last hug she never had.

The hours go by and the bottles of wine are almost gone by the time it starts to get dark outside. The stars appear shyly outside and she wonders what is the possibility of becoming a star after dying.

Because if there's the possibility of someone dying and becoming a star, she's way too sure her mom would be the brightest, the loveliest, the most present one. She chugs the last of wine, thinking about her eyes who are painfully way too much like her own.

 

* * *

 

She wakes up, feeling the presence of someone else watching her and as she looks around the tower, the presence of Carmilla in one corner makes her awfully sober again.

“What- What are you doing here-e?” the slurred words seem to pick Carmilla interest as she walks closer and takes a look at Laura, who straightens her back and looks beside herself to the empty bottles. 

Carmilla notices them both and stops.

“I was worried” she says and Laura just wonders who drunk she must be to be having this dream, a dream where Carmilla worries, where she worries about her “The note said you were going to be here” 

“And here I am” Laura completes, controlling her slurring way better and challenging Carmilla with her eyes.

A gust of wind passes by and must be the height of the tower mixed with the weather and the hour but Laura suddenly feels way too cold and shivers.

“Why are you here?” Carmilla asks and her voice is different somehow but Laura can't pick what is it, just hugging herself as another gust of wind passes by.

_ She doesn't care why are you here. _

“Do you care?” Laura repeats out-loud, looking at the stars and trying to search for the brightest but she can't without her glasses.

And suddenly, she realizes that Carmilla is closer, way too close, she is present, it's not a dream and she's standing in front of her.

“I care” she whispers.

And Laura gazes at her with adoration, blaming the drinking as she opens her bag and takes out an old wooden box.

And the fifth time it happens, Laura offers her own box to Carmilla, who seems hesitant to do it before taking it in her hands with recognition, gripping the edges just a little too tight, before sitting against the wall beside Laura and breathing out deeply.

“You can open it” Laura encourages her, looking at the girl beside her with caution.

Carmilla nods but doesn't open it.

“You sure?” 

“I want you to open it” Laura moves her hand until it's on top of Carmilla's onto the lid of the box and the little spark of warm makes Laura smile just a little and Carmilla looks back at her and her eyes seem just as young as the ones in the pictures and Laura can't help but feel “I  _ trust _ you, Carmilla”

And somewhere, underneath pictures and yellow swings, they aren't just two girls who share a similar past. 

“I trust you too, Laura” Carmilla replies, moving the lid aside, not before squeezing her hand.

They are two girls who live above the bones of loved ones and the pain of the past, every day trying to get better.

And maybe, just maybe, trusting each other with their pain is the first step to start to heal an still opened wound.

 


End file.
